Airing of Grievances

In accordance with the season, I wish all of my readers a happy...FESTIVUS! Thats right, CleggThis celebrates not Christmas, Chanukah or even Kwanza. Yes, we here at CleggThis honor the 1956 tradition of Festivus, made popular by the kings of syndication at Seinfeld. There are many time honored traditions that make up Festivus; the holiday pole, the Feats of Strength, but today we are going to gather around the fire and warm our bones to the gleeful sounds of the "Airing of Grievances." Normally, the Airing of Grievances revolves around the Festivus feast and involves telling everyone how they have dissapointed you. Since CleggThis respects its readers so well, we are not going to single any one person out, but instead the general holiday public.

Grievance #1: Mr. "I can't go food shopping without a cell phone that is speed dialed to my wife" Guy. This could pertain to any situation, but the fact that cell phones have completely infected our society I am going to concentrate on the grocery store phone call. Is this really necessary? To the guy blocking my way to the frozen broccali stuffed chicken, there was a neat invention that actually came over on the Mayflower. It is called a pencil and paper. Write a god damn list. Don't make a phone call ever time you don't know whether to get the Stop and Shop brand or the name brand.

Grievance #2: Non-rush hour traffic drivers. As much as I hate rush hour, there is something to be said about rules that are followed during that time. The fast drivers drive in the left lane, the slow drivers on the right, and then the really fast drivers in the open breakdown lane between the hours of 6am - 10am and 3pm - 7pm. But during non-rush time, drivers seem to throw all those rules out the window, especially if you are in a mini van. Does the car dealer put something in the new mini-van smell that makes people drive insane? There should be some sort of transponder in cars that plays Sammy Hager's "I Can't Drive 55" on the radio when you get into the left hand lane.

Grievance #3: Working the day after Christmas. Thats it, no need for explaination.

Grievance #4: The time it takes CleggThis to write a new post. Oh wait, thats me. I will try to do better.

Grievance #5: The rhetoric that you will feel better when you quit smoking. I have quit for 4 weeks now, been working out, eating better, etc. I even am sleeping more. All in all, I have never felt worse in my entire life. Between the bubonic plague I had last Thursday which prevented me from even keeping water in my system, now I have the cold from hell, which in and of itself is ironic since I hear hell is pretty damn hot. I am convinced that if you start smoking (which you should never do) you can't stop because you build up a nice wall of nicotine and tar that wards off all the sickness out there.

Feel free to post your own grievances in the comment section. I look forward to reading them.

HAPPY FESTIVUS!!!!!!!!