Just looking for someone nice.....
CleggThis knows that it is hard to get a date, especially one who will shut up and cook you some nice hot soup. As some of my faithful readers may know, the boom of internet dating has almost come full circle...almost. The problem is internet dating has not provided any strategic solutions to the normal dating scene. CleggThis, always faithful to its fanbase, decided to investigate the internet dating scene and report back its findings.
Problem #1: Internet dating gives no window into creative writing, much unlike the poetic prose of CleggThis. These are some of the quotes I have seen on Yahoo! Personels.
"I am just looking for a nice guy, with no drama." Wow, thanks for the hot tip, you sorry excuse for a human being. CleggThis did not respond to this post, since CleggThis is an asshole and would drag your dumbass onto the next episode of Maury Povich's Paternity Test showdown.
"I love to go out and have a couple drinks, but also like cuddling on the couch with a good movie." Wow, thanks for the hot tip, you worthless pile of bird shit. CleggThis did not repsond to this post either because CleggThis loves horrible movies like American Wedding and Mrs. Doubtfire. Also, CleggThis does not like to cuddle. CleggThis likes what goes on before cuddling, after that, let me have my side of the couch and go make me a sandwich...and hold the pickles!
"My family and friends mean the world to me." Wow, thanks for the hot tip, you sorry excuse for a warm blooded creature of the earth. CleggThis did not respond to this post because anyone who needs to remind me that family and friends are meaningful is probably the same type of person who like Caddyshack 2 over Caddyshack 1. These people need to be sent out onto a boat, and then we should sink the boat.
"I am looking for someone with direction in their life." Wow, thanks for the hot tip, you crap filled beast. CleggThis did not repsond to this post because CleggThis believes life is all about busting your ass for no money and no respect. If you have any questions about this, ask Jeff Dale to tell the story of his last job....
Problem #2: See problem #1.....
Awful.
posted by CleggoMyEggo at
4:16 PM
6 Comments:
Keep up the hard hitting facts. Maybe you should try responding to the "no drama" post... and then when you meet her, recite some shakespeare.
By
Anonymous, at May 04, 2006 2:17 AM
One of the first responses I had to an online profile (where I had displayed a nice picture from the neck up), said "I'd love to meet you. If the rest of you is as hot as your face, I want you sitting on mine". Don't give up, though, CleggThis - I met my current fiance online as well...
By
Anonymous, at May 04, 2006 8:48 AM
i like the way you worded all those insults.
i'll take pickles on my sandwich, though.
By
jomilkman, at May 04, 2006 9:20 AM
Truely amazing!
By
Anonymous, at May 05, 2006 9:34 AM
98% of women put one or more of the following statements into their Match.com profile:
1. "Um, wow, I don't know what to write about myself."
2. "I like people, I'm definitely a people person."
3. "I like to hang out, basically, but I like to go out, too."
Guys probably do this too, I'm guessing. It just goes to show that the only thing you can learn about someone from their Match.com profile is a general idea of what they look like on a really good day.
I only got one date from Match, and she stood me up. I cancelled my membership and now I'm saving $10/month.
The End.
--- JG
By
Greg Martin, at May 08, 2006 11:28 AM
My dad made a great point about internet dating the other day. He basically said that women pu these types of profiles up to lure in guys. In other words, to try and sound as normal and down to earth as possible.
But, if they really wanted to land a guy, their profile would always contain the following parameters:
1. I like football and beer, and when I watch football while drinking beer, I like to keep my mouth shut.
2. I HATE talking on the phone.
3. Walking around naked is one of my hobbies.
By
CleggoMyEggo, at May 17, 2006 12:48 PM
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